Relationships take work. There is absolutely no denying that fact – no relationship is sunshine and rainbows 100% of the time – and every couple goes through their “down” days. That said, does it every feel like every day is a down day, and you can’t seem to stop fighting? The secret to getting out of that cycle, may be changing your tone.
We live in an age that is all about transparency, honesty and living your truth. These are all great things, but I do think that sometimes it forces us to be a little too ‘heavy’ in our relationships. We blow up small issues into big fights and feel like we should have deep, intimate chats over each and every speedbump, but this doesn’t always serve us. Sometimes, in an effort to build depth, we end up pushing our partners away. At the end of the day, relationships are meant to bring you more joy than hardship, and the way you approach conflict may help tip that scale. Next time, try what I can “keeping it light”.
A perfect example of “keeping it light” came to me today. My best girlfriend is having trouble with her partner; he said he needed a couple of days away from her to focus on work, and this hurt her feelings. They are currently in a “down” phase, and she wanted to sit him down and have a big chat over how she was feeling – a talk she was very much dreading. When, in the spirit of keeping things light, she instead chose to respond “Hey, I miss you and this sucks. I don’t want to do this again, next time let’s try to find a better compromise?”. Guess how he responded? Very, very positively. He said he missed her too, and that next time they would do things differently. Sometimes you can get your feelings and your point across in a way that is playful and loving, and the end result will be the same.
Remember that your partner probably does really care how you feel, and in the end wants to make you happy; never sacrifice your needs or your ‘truth’, but keep in mind that they are also just doing their best. There is a time and a place for deep, serious chats, but its just as important to know when a gentle, sweet reminder will suffice.