So you’re ready for the ring, the dog and the white picket fence, but he is happy keeping things casual for the time being. Most of us have been there at one point in our lives, and its an unbelievably frustrating place to be stuck. What do you do when you’re ready to move forward, but he is trailing behind?
I’m sorry – you’re not going to like this – but sadly, this is one you can’t really “win”. I know that sucks to hear, but someone has to be honest with you about it. People move at the pace they feel comfortable with, and if you try to speed things up, its more likely that he will pull away further. My partner is a complete commitment-phobe. He loves me, and does say he wants use to eventually get married and have kids and the whole ordeal, but talking about it makes him very uncomfortable. The harder I push for it, the more he pulls away. Believe me, I’ve been with him for nearly 5 years now and I know this to be true – its going to be a waiting game with this one, and there is no two ways around it. If your partner is someone who likes to take things slow, if you really want to be with that person and for them to be happy, you have to respect their boundaries and be patient.
That said, be wary of red flags. If it seems like no progress is being made at all, or your partner talks about a future that doesn’t seem to involve you at all, it may well be that he is wasting your time. Further, if you’re really unhappy with how slow things are moving, you may need to reexamine the relationship, and determine if you might be better suited with someone who’s more on the same page as you. Being patient is one thing, being a doormat is another! Have a conversation about it; even just playfully saying “I love the idea of a future with you; do you ever think about how you would like our life to look in ten years?” could spark a very useful dialogue. If he is wasting your time, the sooner you find out, the better!