How Do I Get Him Back?

So your partner has just told you that it’s not working. You might have been together for a few months, or even a few years – no matter what the situation is, it hurts. Rejection always hurts. I’m not here to tell you that you can’t make him love you and its impossible to get him back – that’s just not true, and its not useful for you. So, this is my advice for how to set yourself up for the best possible chance of getting him back, if you are certain that that’s what you want.

Ask him for a break instead. Suggest 30 days, no contact at all, where you will then revisit the relationship and see how you both feel. He may agree or disagree, if he agrees to it, awesome, if he doesn’t, don’t sweat it. Either way – this is the most important part – START WORKING ON YOURSELF. Start up a new hobby, go to the gym, see a counsellor, get a haircut, do whatever you need to do to improve yourself. Maybe, if this was part of the ‘break’ agreement, even go on a date or two. You really need to commit to making a noticeable, real change, both in your mind and heart.

When the 30 days rolls around, have a real think on where you are at. You are a better version of yourself, you’ve likely accomplished some goals and maybe even made some big self discoveries. Do you really, really want to start this relationship up again and, if you do, will you still be able to work on yourself and make progress as your own person? IF AND ONLY IF the answer is a resounding “yes”, then show up to the reunion with your head high, and new accomplishments in tow. Tell your ex about all the progress you’ve made and the things you’ve been working on. Let him know in a calm (non-desperate) way:

“I feel like I am a much better version of myself now. I’ve been working on so many things that I am passionate about, and I’m really excited about how things are going. I would love to be able to share those things with you, and am committed to working on and showing up for this relationship 100%, so I am wondering if you’re willing to give us another shot”.

What he chooses to do with that suggestion, at this point, is up to him. You have done all you can. Even if he says no (which I know is absolutely gutting), all hope is not lost. Continue to follow through with what you said and work on yourself, and there is a very good chance he will come around at some point. People want to be around people who are ambitious and happy, and there is no reason that you cannot be that person. Even if it doesn’t work out and you two never get back together, you will still be better off for it! You always have the option to change your own life and to do ‘better’ so, although it may hurt at the moment, try to see this as a great opportunity to become the best you that you can be. Say this with me: you have the power!

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