Dealing with F*ckboys

With the advent of social media and online dating, it seems that there are more “f*ckboys” around now than ever. Now, I realize this is a very vague and loose term, so I hope you know the type of guy I mean – the kind of guy who says he’ll call you right back and then ghosts you, who tells you how special and important you are to him right before sleeping with another woman, who thinks he is the man and you are just so lucky to get to spend a night with him.

If you’ve ever fallen for a f*ckboy, then you know what hurt feels like. They tend to move through floods of women, breaking countless hearts, before eventually settling down with “the one” leaving you wondering – what was it about me that wasn’t good enough? Why didn’t he take me seriously?”. Again, you must understand – and you will notice this is a reoccurring theme on this blog – it has nothing to do with you. With these guys, it really is all about timing; they aren’t going to get into a relationship until all of the stars align and they feel like it’s time for them to ‘settle down’. If you happen to be involved during that time – or even if you aren’t and want to avoid a world of sorrow – there are ways to date these boys while keeping your power and integrity in tact.

Do not sleep with him on the first date. Do not fawn over him, and do not feed his ego. That doesn’t mean be cruel or hurtful, no one wants to be knocked down, but he is likely so used to girls falling all over him that he will see you as “temporary”. Instead, show up with a clear understanding of your own worth, and let him try to win you over. Do not, under any circumstances, be fooled into believing that his ‘aloof’ attitude is a reflection of your worth or significance.

Get to know him on a more personal level. If you haven’t read that study on “questions that make you fall in love”, it may be worth looking at. Ask him some light-hearted, but still personal questions that will help him open up. Talk to him about things that matter to him, and be curious – no one likes to feel interrogated or like you are trying to force anything, but everyone appreciates good conversation. Show up as an intellectual and appreciate that, behind that smug face, there is a real person with real feelings, and likely a ton of insecurities.

If you do end up seeing each other, this one may hurt: the second he starts to pull away, you take the reins. Instead of crying and drunk-texting him or being his booty-call for months, don’t waste any more time. Tell him respectfully that you really enjoyed getting to know him, but that this isn’t working for you. Wish him the best and MOVE ON. There are too many good men out there to waste your time on men who don’t respect you, and dragging things out with this guy will only hurt you more.

Be careful with your heart. If thinking about someone gives you anxiety or causes you great stress, they probably aren’t somehow you want to get involved with. F*ckboys play a lot of games with your mind and heart, but only if you let them. You always have the power, girl, and only you can decide how much bullsh$t you’re willing to take. Act with kindess and respect and, even if he doesn’t end up with you, he will remember you as a woman of integrity (and most likely, a missed opportunity!). Always take the high road, babe, and own your power.