Someone recently asked me, “Am I expecting too much?”. This got me thinking – what does it mean to have unrealistic expectations, and how can we tell if we have them? Over the past few weeks, after speaking to many women of all ages, relationship statuses, and demographics, I have come to realize one thing – ‘setting the bar’ means something very different to everyone.
I had a long term boyfriend in college, who by all ‘technical’ definitions was the perfect boyfriend. He bought me flowers, left adorable sticky notes all over, and paid me every compliment in the book. He cooked, he cleaned, and he was all-around a lovely human being. Ultimately, I wanted someone a bit more adventurous than he was so the relationship ended, but as far as ‘setting the bar high’ he seemed unbeatable. When I started dating again, I was shocked to find that other men weren’t the same way – they weren’t all dropping off flowers and writing me love notes, and this was alarming. After some time, I realized that these things aren’t important to me – I would much rather be with someone who is very ambitious and adventurous than with someone who is super romantic. For me, the bar is set with a certain level of respect and kindness and if someone doesn’t meet those standards for me, then I will not date that person.
For others, the bar might be different. If you are someone who really values affection or effort or what-have-you, then your bar will most likely revolve around those things. Whats important, is to know where your bar is, and to make sure that any man you date is aware of it. If someone isn’t cutting it, then they are cut. And don’t feel like your relationship is any less valuable just because you aren’t getting showered in Gucci purses and roses, if gifts aren’t something you really value in a parter then thats something you need to appreciate and trust. Your bar is your bar, and only you can decide where, and how it is set.